( I just love this one )

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).

It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary). It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid). As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck"..

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations:

1. Greetings: How the fuck are ya?
2. Fraud: I got fucked by the car dealer.
3. Resignation: Oh, fuck it!
4. Trouble: I guess I'm fucked now.
5. Aggression: Fuck you!
6. Disgust: Fuck me.
7. Confusion: What the fuck.......?
8. Difficulty: I don't understand this fucking business!
9. Despair: Fucked again...
10. Pleasure: I fucking couldn't be happier.
11. Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here?
12. Lost: Where the fuck are we.
13. Disbelief: Unfuckingbeliveable!
14. Retaliation: Up your fucking ass!"
15. Denial: I didn't fucking do it."
16. Perplexity: I know fuck all about it."
17. Apathy: Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?
18. Suspicion: Who the fuck are you?
19. Panic: Let's get the fuck out of here.
20. Directions: Fuck off.
21. Disbelief: How the fuck did you do that?


It can be used in an anatomical description- He's a fucking asshole.
It can be used to tell time- It's five fucking thirty.
It can be used in business- How did I wind up with this fucking job?
It can be maternal- Motherfucker.
It can be political- Fuck George Bush!

Vegetarian Or Vegan




A friend of mine spreads some light on the vegan swallowing mystery...


Actually, the question of whether or not it is okay for a vegetarian or vegan to give BJs, and if so, if it was all right to swallow, the general consensus is:


1. It is perfectly all right to give BJs because no animal is harmed in the process.


2. It is okay to ingest sperm because it is not an animal.


Also, sperm is a good source of protein, something that is often lacking when meat is removed from the diet.


You're still my favorite lap dance,


Can you guys imagine dating one of these gals?


I can see it in my mind's eye; your vegan girl comes home from work all worn out, craving your meat.


She looks at you and says, "I need to blow you. I haven't had enough protein today. I'm dizzy and weak and only a protein vanilla slurpee will do."


Damn. A breed of women who not only like performing oral sex, but consider it nourishment. I gotta get me a vegan.

___________




Little Johnny's father has to come to school to talk to the teacher.

Teacher: 'Sir, I'm sorry, but your son does absolutely nothing at

school, he fails every subject!!'

Dad: 'Except for drawing, he's a very good drawer.'

Teacher: 'That's correct, last week he drew a tiger on the chalk board

and the kids were so frightened I couldn't get them to enter the classroom'

Dad: 'That's nothing, last month he drew a pussy on the stove, I fuckin

burned my dick three times!!'

A story of a woman who just turned 47 years old:




When I was 16, I hoped that one day I would have

a boyfriend.




When I was 18, I got a boyfriend, but there was no

passion.




So I decided I needed a passionate guy with a zest

for life. In college I dated a passionate guy, but he

was too emotional. Everything was an emergency,

he was a drama queen, cried all the time and

threatened suicide.




So I decided I needed a guy with stability.

When I was 25, I found a very stable guy but he

was boring. He was totally predictable and never

got excited about anything.




Life became so dull that I decided I needed a guy

with some excitement. When I was 28, I found an

exciting guy, but I couldn't keep up with him.

He rushed from one thing to another, never settling

on anything.




He did mad, impetuous things and flirted with everyone

he met. He made me miserable as often as happy.

He was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.




So I decided to find a guy with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious guy with

his feet planted firmly on the ground and married him.

He was so ambitious that he divorced me, took everything

I owned, and ran off with my best friend.




I am now 47 And am looking for a guy with a big dick.






*******************





After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, "What the hell happened last night?"


"As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss," replied the wife.






"Piss on him," answered the husband.






"You did," said the wife, "and he fired you."


"Well, fuck him," said the husband.


"I did, and you go back to work in the morning."

  

"Advice For Young Girlfriends"

Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is right. When it comes to
love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they're not as
emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember
is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem
strange to you. Do them anyway.

Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't feel ashamed or
embarrassed.
After you've finished making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave
you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf.
Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar
for the purpose of consuming large
amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies.
Don't feel left out -- while he's
gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or
perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.

Q: What is "afterplay"?
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly
energy. "Afterplay" is simply a list of important activities for you to do
after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a
sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few
beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an
expensive gift.

Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is
important, studies show this is simply not true.
The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer
than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual
organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your
lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his
laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.

Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.