"Blonde Work Crew"
Two blonde girls were working for the Timaru District Council Parks Department. One would dig a hole and the other girl would follow behind her and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other side, before moving on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling the hole in again, then moving on.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but had absolutely no idea what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, I'm impressed by all the hard effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it - why do you dig the holes, only to have your partner follow behind you and fill it up again?
The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, Well, I suppose it looks odd because we are normally a three person team but the girl who plants the trees called in sick today.

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"Blonde Tattoo"
A blonde is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh. Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location.
She responds, "It is really cool. If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean."


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The Pretty Girl

A man walks into a bar and winks at a pretty girl at the other end "bartender", he says, "I'd like to buy that lady a drink."

"Don't do it," the bartender says, "She's a lesbian."

"You're crazy," he said, "She's beautiful and she winked back."

So the bartender gives her the drink. A minute later she moves down and thanks the gentleman.

"Bartender," he says, "Give the lady another drink." "I'm warning you," the bartender says as he hands her the drink.

After she finishes this drink she asks if he would like to see her breast. "YES!!!" he says and the woman lifts her blouse.

After the next drink, and another warning from the bartender, she takes his hand and asks, "Would you like to touch my ass?"

The gentleman replies "OH, YES!!!, DEFINITELY!!!" So he sits with his hand on her bottom and asks for another drink.

The bartender, thoroughly impressed by now and convinced he was wrong in his judgement obliges.

After this she asks " Are you ready to taste a hot, wet, sweet pussy?"

"THANK YOU GOD!!!", the man exclaims, and then "YES!!!!!!!"

At this the attractive lady grabs him by his tie pulls him close, kisses him and says, "Hope you enjoyed!"
________

Little Johnny and two of his friends were sitting on a front porch one day after school.

Billy looked down the street and saw a bright red Corvette.

"Some day I'm gonna be a lawyer so I can buy me one of those Corvettes," he said.

Robbie looked over at the driveway next to the Corvette and saw a brand new Ferrari.

"I'm gonna be a doctor," he said, "so I can get me a fast Ferrari."

Little Johnny looked over at the other two and replied, "I'm gonna learn how to suck dick when I grow up."

The other two jaws dropped.

"That's what my sister does, and she owns both of those cars," explained Little Johnny
________




Jill, a rather young miss attending St. Mary's Catholic Girls School, was sitting on the sidewalk, smoking a cigarette.

The local priest, walks by and gives her a glare.

"Jill! Smoking at such a young age! Aren't you ashamed?"

"What?" said Jill. "You got something better to do after sex?"

 Apples

A man is driving down a country road when he sees a sign,
"Apples $5.00 each." Intrigued to find out why an apple should
Cost that much, he stops and asks the farmer why the apples
Are so expensive.
The farmer says, "These are special peanut butter and jelly
Apples. Here, try one."
The man takes a bite and says, "Unbelievable; I taste the
Peanut butter but not the jelly."
The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does and he savors a
Sweet jelly.
The farmer says, "I've got ham and cheese apples, too, but
They're $10.00 each."
The man is excited, buys one, takes a bite and says, "Wow,
These are great but I taste the ham but not the cheese."
The farmer says, "Turn it around." He does, takes a bite and
A rich, creamy cheese taste fills his mouth.
The farmer says, "Now, if you really like those, I've got
Some very special apples that cost $50.00 each. They're pussy
Apples."
The man cannot resist and buys one. He takes a bite and says,
"YUCK, these taste like shit!"
The farmer says, "Turn it around."


John was in a bar looking very dejected.
His friend, Steve, walked over and asked,
"What's wrong?"
"It's my mother-in-law, " John replied,
While shaking his head sadly. "I have
A real problem with her."
"Cheer up," Steve said. "Everyone has
Problems with their mother-in-law. "
"Yeah," John answered. "But I got mine pregnant."